Peace

Peace that passes understanding only comes from God (Phil. 4:7). I have been doing a study by Beth Moore for the past few weeks on the fruits of the Spirit and I have been wondering how I could have thought the fruits of the Spirit were so simple. I love how rich God is in every way. I think that I know God and then He shows me a new truth, a new way with a new way to strive for him.

Yesterday I learned about God's peace in provision through the example of Jesus. He fed 5,000 with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Beth made the point that Jesus: made them aware of their need, took what little they had and had them sit down to get ready to receive his provision. I thought about how often I see my need lately, God takes what little I have and then I think...now what???? Well then answer is: sit down in your spirit and wait for God to do exactly what he promises to do...take care of your needs (Matt. 6:8, 6:25-32). I know that this seems so simple and that is because it is. It is hard to live out because we love to DO and we tend to mix up wants with needs. There is such peace in knowing that God is in control and LETTING go of our perceived control. God has proven himself faithful to me in this great time of need and now I see how he has been faithful all along I was just trying to do this life on my own all together too often.

Today I studied a few things but the thing that struck me was the story of Lazarus' death (John 11). Jesus KNEW that Lazarus was sick and that he would die, when he died and yet he waited. This was someone that the scripture clearly states that Jesus loved. He did not "come through" for the family as they had expected Jesus to (i.e. rush to them and heal Lazarus) but he did come four days after he was dead. Jesus did something that was way beyond what they thought possible: resurrect someone from the dead. Why did he do it? To bring the maximum amount of glory for God in that situation! Read the account...Jesus states that it is for God's glory and the possible belief of those around who have not yet believed!

I see how God has used Eric's death to bring himself glory and how that continues. I also see how I am in a time of waiting and sometimes I get anxious in that. This study on peace has been so encouraging. It has reminded me that God has a distinct plan in this situation...it was not out of his control. Actually it is part of a perfect plan for a supremely God glorifying result. If I am supposed to be in ministry in some way, then I think that this time of waiting is crucial to the end result that God has in mind...whatever that may be. It is exciting to wait expectantly knowing that you are in the palm of God's hand. (You are too by the way if you are a believer in Christ-very cool!)

Not liking myself today

I am not liking myself today. I am disappointed in my actions and heart. We can't always be right on the money with God but I want to be. I feel bad when I know my heart and actions don't line up with what God wants. I guess that when you feel this way the only thing to do is cry out to God, repent of any sins between you and God and ask for wisdom on how to live life for Him. I need God to lead me in my interactions with my kids, family, extended family and friends (just my short list!).

I have been super judgemental lately, impatient and quick to gossip. Man, I hate to even say the last one because I truly am disgusted by it and myself. Wow, this is what we are to do with our brothers and sisters in christ...confess our sins but I don't like it and I also know that this is a rather public forum but I think why not step out and try confessing-selfishly I hope that the result will be prayer from you who read it. Thanks for the listening ear and please pray for me as I seek God for life, sucessful living and service of Him.

Joy

I have a newfound joy. It is a joy in knowing how God has saved me and has restored me. I also have joy in the fact that God is with me in this hard time. He is my rock and salvation. I am so excited to tell you that even in the hard places God is still there. So many people have no idea how I can do this. Do what? I ask. Live without my spouse? Be the single mom? I don't know how I do this either. This is a God ordained trial of life. God did this and it will be for God's good and his glory. God has already used this so much in so many people lives and in my family's life. One thing I am finding is that I have such joy in singing praise to God. I am so aware in my heart of how God is my redeemer and is so good. I love to sing him praises and it isn't so awkward to just bust loose in song at church, in the car or the house. Ps. 71:23 "My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you-I, whom you have redeemed."

I have a newfound joy in my salvation. I am so much more aware of what God has saved me from-death! Death here and beyond. I will go to heaven when I die...I have NO doubt (2 Cor. 1:22). I also know that God is alive and ACTIVE in my life TODAY! How amazing is that. How great.
'Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." (1 Peter 4:12-13)

I hope that you are encouraged today...you have been given true life if you have placed you faith in Jesus. He forgives your sin and restores you into right relationship with God. He gives you a hope a purpose and will never leave you. God is so good-giving up yourself and your agenda are so small in the face of all that there is to gain.

God bless.