General Update

Hey folks...I thought that I would give a general update of the family. It will four months since Eric died and a lot has changed. We are adjusting to him being gone as well as we can...I think. Micah is very fearful still. He is afraid that I am going to leave and not come back. He doesn't like me to go far away, even in the house. He regressed in the potty-training department but seems to be getting back on track. I hope that the fear subsides as time goes on. He is slowly letting go of control but some days are better than others. I try to talk a lot about Eric and tell him stories and reassure him that God loves him and Eric and that his daddy is being well taken care of. The permanency of Eric's loss is almost impossible for a four year old to understand, but as the anger of not understanding bubbles up I try to reassure Micah and pray for him. Please pray that Micah will continue to express himself and that he will be able to live without being fearful.

Lydia has been doing well. She seems completely oblivious most of the time to Eric being gone and then she will bring up something that she remembers. She told my mom once while getting her diaper changed, 'daddy helps'. She remembered her dad changing her diapers. She also told me last week that I had 'daddy's bag'. It was a bag that looked like Eric's and I was surprised that she remembered Eric's stuff. She remembers more that I give her credit for-she is really smart. She has been a joy to us all as we have been grieving. She is still silly, loves to dance and tease us. She is a little ray of sunshine in all of our days and she reminds me of the joy that Eric always had. She is so stinking cute and that helps remind me that life is fun, funny and new everyday.

My mom and dad are doing okay. It is hard for them to take on new roles in the family. They have become less the grandparents and more the co-parents. They have done such an amazing job supporting us and helping out. I couldn't have done this without their help. They are definitely grieving but that is where all of us are at. We all need breaks and we try to help each other...I hope. My dad's business is doing just fine. A lot of people thought that they were out of business but that is not the case. They had very minimal fines and the damaged machine has been disassembled and taken away. They still have powder-painting and stripping machines for three other kinds of metal. There is a possibility that they will move to a different building but that is still up in the air. My mom is still working and has been REALLY busy. She works for the school district and deals with benefits. Her job is always in demand! She has had to work long hours lately because they renegotiated some of the benefits but that is how benefits works.

I have been trying to adjust to life without Eric by my side. I have been up, down and everywhere in between. I have learned so much about God's comfort and mercy. He has been so faithful to meet all of my needs that I feel blessed. I have struggled a lot with confidence lately. The past couple of weeks have been hard in the fact that God has brought to light my feelings of inadequacy and fear of being 'alone'. I thought that my time of addiction was my greatest stretching time and that I had faced all of the big lies in my life but God has used this situation to mercifully bring to light more lies to be healed. I haven't been sleeping well the past two weeks as all of this has been happening but God has graciously given me more sleep the last few days. I miss Eric a lot and feel overwhelmed by the task of raising our kids without him but I am trying to take one day at a time. I find myself avoiding scrap booking our lives because I don't want to feel the deep sadness. I also don't want to deal with making a will or figuring out my finances because for some reason that feels overwhelming. I am very aware that this is avoidance but that is where I am at. I am tired, not just physically but emotionally. I know that this is not going to change for a while so I could use some prayers for stamina and courage to ask for help when necessary. I have been going to a singles group at church and I LOVE it. They are such a great group of people and I am blessed to have them in my life. I also am going to go to a grief share group soon and I am excited to get to know other widows. I really want to have their support and offer mine. God has also brought a ministry opportunity for me in the fall. I am going to help with junior highers at church-Lord willing. I am nervous but also excited-I love junior highers! (I know that automatically makes me weird!)

I hope that this general update satisfies some of the questions you may have about what we are up to. We could use prayers still and we so appreciate the millions of prayers that have been offered for us so far. God has answered so very many prayers and we thank you for being faithful in presenting us to God. God is good. God has a plan for all of us and as we walk this path I hope that we glorify our Lord Jesus.