Road Trip

I am leaving for Des Moines in the morning. I am nervous to go back because I know that it will be very emotional. I don't know if I will ever go back after this time...I guess only time will tell on that one. I could use prayer as I am away. I feel blessed to be away from the place that I would consider home with Eric. Everywhere that I turn in town reminds me Eric and our life together. I want to avoid the pain but I have to walk up to the pain and through it.

Last night God told me to go to Psalm 38. The two parts of that passage that met me right where I was at were : verse 9, "All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." and verse 15, "I wait for you, O Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God." It is no secret that I want to be married and have more children. I don't want to live my whole life without a mate, but I get inpatient. I fear that because I am single now, that this is how I will always be. This is not rational or realistic but that is not how emotions work now is it! Anyway, God just gave me a huge reassurance by leading me to this passage. Not only did it allow me to see that He does indeed know my longings but that He will answer my prayers in his time. I am called to wait. I know that this is no guarantee that I will be married but to know that God knows my heart and knows where I am at in sorrow and longings is so reassuring. I brought me such peace and security. It is hard to wait for Gods time but in the end it is always the best and all things are made complete in his timing. We have such an amazing God! I pray that God will meet you right where you are at today. Point your heart towards Him and allow God to lead you to where He will take you. He is the good Shepard. Good night. I will write again soon.