I went to church for the first time since Eric passed away. It was brutal. My emotions were all over the place and I wished that it the service would just finish so that I could go home and cry. I had a good cry when I got home and I was relieved that my first church going experience was done.
Today we are at my brothers house. My kids are playing away with their cousins. I am happy that they are entertained and that they are happy. They woke up early and were ready to play. No one else was awake and I was trying to "pretend" to sleep. They were not buying my performance and thus my day was started. I love my kids, I wish they would love sleep as much as I do in the mornings. Normally I waffle between being either a late night owl or an early bird. Right now I am a late night owl-my kids are not.
Well, I titled this blog as having other ramblings. Now I have nothing else to say. I am trying to figure out this new life. I am now officially the lone ranger adult. I can no longer pawn off annoying phone calls on Eric or tasks that I don't like to do and he doesn't mind. I don't know how that will work. I find that lately I want to tell him all about my day and all the things that I am doing and learning. I miss my best friend. You have no idea how much a spouse becomes part of you until they are not there. Other ramblings: I am going to buy a car that is reliable. I have never had money or the chance to buy a vehicle from a dealer. I am researching. This also is a new process. I am glad that I have family to help. They help in so many ways. I feel blessed to have them. I would be lost without everyone's support and prayers. I can't wait to be happy again. I know that grieving is not a permanent season in life, I just wish I could skip it and still be a healthy person. I know that that isn't possible so I will wait. Well, I think that I have officially rambled enough for this post.
1 comment:
Sarah,
It was good to read your words. Eric was a blessing to all who knew him. There are many thoughts that swirl through my mind these days. I am profoundly sad that Eric has passed from this world, but am so glad he finished well. I join many others in grieving with you and your family, yet at the same time I realize that we do not mourn like those who have no hope. Our hope is in Christ. Eric's hope was in Christ - and that's all that really matters on the last day. I wanted to tell you that I am so thankful to see how God is working in your heart during these difficult days. You are an inspriration to many, even though it may not feel like it most days.
It is during times like these that we see what people are made of - and you are clearly made of the same stuff that Eric was made of. That is about as big an encouragement I can think of. Eric was the real deal. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Remember that God is always good. We hope to see you all sometime soon.
Grace & peace,
Bryan Host & family
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