My Son

Micah Micah He's my boy.

Micah Micah what a joy.

That is part of my song that I made up for Micah when he was a tiny baby. It is not a masterpiece but it is honest. Micah asked me to tell him a story about Eric tonight. I told him about how his daddy loved to be outside. How he loved to hunt with his dad and take Micah fishing. I told him about how Eric loved soccer. How Eric said that it felt like dancing when you were playing really well and how free that felt. It made me feel love for both of my guys.

I see Eric in Micah every day. How he is full of life and curiosity. How he loves to be outside and play any sport that he can. How he loves people and wants to chat if they are game. How he loves and takes care of his mom and his sister just like his daddy taught him. I prayed for Micah from the moment I saw him that he would love God with all of his heart. I don't know why that was and is the specific thing that I feel absolutely driven to pray for my little guy, but I do. That is my prayer for myself, my kids and all who happen to read this little blog.

I came home after a week away and felt sadness wash over me. I miss Eric. I see Eric around this house. I feel like he could be here at any moment. I tell Micah that Daddy can't come back because he is dead. How hard this is for Micah. He is really starting to miss Eric badly. He wants to die so that he can see daddy. I know that four year olds are not suicidal. I know that this is the logical way around the statement that daddy cannot come back to us because he is dead. If daddy can't come than I will go to him...right? I wish that Micah could have known his dad longer. I will tell him stories, show him pictures and point out what he does like his dad. I will also try to share what I feel Eric would have wanted to share. I know that I can't share like a dad, but I can share Jesus.

I can love Jesus and continue to pray that Micah loves Jesus with ALL of his HEART.