That is how my brain feels. I feel like I have a millions things to do that I have no desire to do. There is so much to take care of when your spouse passes away. I had to go to the bank today and take Eric off of the account. I had to bring a certified death certificate (something I didn't know existed a month ago). I also had to take one of these death certificates to the National Guard Post. My son is afraid of all military establishments. He thinks that they will shoot their guns which totally freaks him out because they are really loud. At Eric's funeral he was terrified of the 21 gun salute. He was so scared today that the officer would shoot the gun of the display tank outside that he told the officer that he was not allowed to come with us outside. The officer laughed and then proceeded to escort us out of the building. Micah made him promise that he would not go any further than the threshold of the door. The officer complied. I laughed and felt a bit sheepish.
I felt yucky giving people the death certificate. It was like I was trying to write him out of my life and I felt sick at the thought of that. I want him to be alive. I want him to be here again. I want my best friend back and yet I have to move on-one step at a time.
Lydia reminds me of Eric. She is so full of life. She is joyful, easy to laugh and musical. I smile at the thought of her, her dancing and smiles. She is insanely smart for her age. She can say way more than a girl her age should. I love it.
More randomness...I don't know proper protocol for wedding ring wearing after being widowed but this is my decision: I wear it when I feel like it and don't when I don't. It feels weird to wear it and weird not to.
That is enough randomness for now.
4 comments:
I say you wear that ring whenever and wherever you want. That was a gift from Eric to you to show his love for you. Although he is no longer here with you, his love for you doesn't change.
HI SARAH, I JUST CAUGHT UP ON YOUR THOUGHTS AND IN TEARS. I LOVE YOU GUYS. AND BY ALL MEANS DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU! MICAH IS FUNNY AND I WISH I COULD SPOIL YOUR DAUGHTER WITH TOOTSIE'S ALSO. LOVE IN CHIRST JOHN B.
My name is Adam Jones and I am the Pastor of Harvest Baptist Church in Wausau, Wi. I wanted to let you know that I am thankful to God for how He used your husband as a witness even in the greatest moments of his suffering. My prayer is that God would grant me the same kind of assurance in whatever hardtimes He sees fit for me. Harvest Baptist has been keeping you and your family in our prayers. Be strong in the Lord and in the Power of His might. God bless you!
Just found your blog. It is so hard to present that "document", I know. God will give you the strength, he has me. Couldn't help but notice that you live in WI. I'm from there, but live in TX now.
About the ring, I continued to wear mine for about five months. I had my husband's band re-sized and now that's what I wear. Like someone told me, it doesn't matter, whenever you are ready to take it off is the perfect time. Don't go by other people, it is what works for you.
Praying for you in this journey.
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