To Iowa and back

I traveled to Iowa to visit friends. I didn't get to any other friends but the ones that I stayed with. I wish that I could have seen more people but I just wasn't up to it. It was so much harder to be in Polk City than I had anticipated. We haven't lived in Iowa for a year and yet it still feels like home in some ways. Everywhere that I drove reminded me of my life with Eric. It was our first place as a family. We made a niche for ourselves and I didn't realize how deep it was. I am glad that I went and I will go back. I need to go back. I want to go back.

I am so glad to be home. It feels safe and calm. I am not reminded be Eric at every turn because I had a life here way before I ever knew Eric. I have memories and happy times here. I have family. I am glad that God brought us here.

I worked for a long time today to get my bicycle ready for riding with micah and lydia. I attached a tag-along to the back of my bike and a baby seat in front of mine. We shall see if it works or if we are just going to be "the crazy lady and her kids who try impossibly crazy things."

I feel so very tired. I need sleep desperately. I hope that life settles into a nice rhythm soon. I am going to Eric's college for a memorial service, then I am going to Eric's parents house for a visit and to bury his ashes. After that I hope that we can have a few weeks of "normal" activites. I think that it is good to see everyone but it is also good to stay at home and do regular stuff.

Micah went to the dentist today. This was his second visit to a dentist but he FREAKED out. I felt so bad. He is always a cautious kid, but he is more hesitant about things since Eric's death. He is much more attached to me than he has ever been and I am never sure if what he is doing is a result of his grief or his preschoolerness. Please pray for me that I would have wisdom to handle the kids and their grief.

This was a random post but that is exactly how I feel today. I want to write on Romans again so...brace yourselves!