Video, Pics and Words...Oh my!

Micah's super cheesy grin and Lydia's man hat.

Lydia's face before her ride and resulting giant smile!

Wisconsin is warming up and we are loving every minute of it. This is a video I took last week. There is now less snow and more mud. Micah and Lydia have mud boots and are getting plenty dirty!

I had a little time to get away today. A woman from my church has set up a childcare schedule for me. The people come for three hours and I have helpers about two times a week. I ran errands and then I sat in my car at a park and wrote in my journal. I listened to music and tried to embrace any feelings that came along. I find myself wanting to be distracted with thoughts of possible future scenarios rather that how I miss Eric. It is so easy to find reasons to not to think about this whole situation. I like to think about what I will do different with this phase of my life. I am a naturally fearful person. I have a hard time trying new things, especially if people are watching. Eric always amazed me. He never seemed to care what other people thought of him. He would try something and wouldn't care who thought that he looked silly. He was always so free and I loved that. I have this overwhelming desire to spread my wings and fly. I just don't know where to and for what purpose. I guess I will have to wait to find out God's plan.

I had a very "Eric" moment in Walmart this weekend. I was in the electronics department looking at laptops when one of the employees came up to me. He asked if I needed help etc. and then all of a sudden he is sharing his whole life story, talking about his church past, the end times (in his own way) and all I could think was AHHH ERIC! you handed your gift of evangelism off to me and I DON'T want it. I totally froze. I had nothing worth while to say and man I had a PRIME opportunity. The man practically shoved the gospel opportunity down my throat and I could only think of how this moment must have been what Eric experienced on a regular basis. He had the gift of evangelism. He was like honey for bees. People would walk up to him, engage him in conversation and then ask him spiritual questions! I have never had that experience until this weekend. I choked up mentally with memories of Eric. I pray that next time (if I have a next time-yikes) that God will give me the words.

I feel like Eric is right around the corner. This weekend Lydia noticed Eric's car in the driveway and was saying in a sing-song voice, "Daddy where are you? Daddy where are you?". It was so sweet and so sad. I said "Daddy is dead, he is up in heaven". I hate doing that. With kids you have to say those words way more than you would ever desire to. It bugs me way more than it does Lydia.

Thats all for today.