I am having a bad day today. I feel lonely. I HATE feeling lonely. My natural response is to wish it away, to distract myself. The hardest thing to do when you face hardships is to look the storm right in the face and walk towards it. It is counterintuitive. It is unnatural. It is exactly how you heal. So here I am. I am sitting here thinking about my life. I am missing Eric. I am mourning the loss of my future with him. I am worrying/wondering what will happen next. I find myself daydreaming about what could be rather than what is. I have been here before. I have faced trials and I failed. I ran away. I wished it away. I got mad at God. This time I am resolved. I am grounded. I know my God is right here with me in ALL of this. I am deciding to face my fears and to face my feelings. I am also resolved not to wish this time away. I want to grieve well. How do you grieve well? I think that this kind of thing is grieving well.
I miss my person. I wish my kids had thier daddy. I wish I could look down the road of life and at least know that I would have somebody walking with me. How did I get here? Where does God have me going? When will this stop hurting? I have so many questions that will never be resolved and that is something that I have to be okay with even if I don't want to be at times. Most of the time I feel so very comforted by God and his faithfulness. I still do and yet I am feeling a lot of pain and loneliness today too. I hope that when you face problems that you submit your requests to God.
1 comment:
I think you are grieving well, you will have these kinds of days....and it is ok. It's during these times that we can press in even more to our other husband, Christ Jesus. Not the same, I know, but that's all we can do! Psalm 34:15 The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous; And His ears are open to their cry.
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