Realization

I had one of those moments tonight-one of those 'oh man!' moments. I am upset about something that someone said. It wasn't a bad comment, it just resonated as an ugly truth. It was a comment to the effect that I just wanted to get through this grief to the other side. This is so true. I don't want to admit it but sometimes I want to just get over this bad part. I just want to run through the pain and if I miss some of it then...oh well. I think that walking through the pain is necessary. I don't want to get over Eric, I want to get over the pain and saddness of him being gone. I want to hold on to all of the good things that we had. The good memories and the blessings that we had. I don't want to forget him but I feel that tendency because right now the thought of Eric brings pain. I love him so much and I don't like to think about it because it makes me feel lost. I am afraid that the pain will take me away and I won't be able to handle my kids. I am afraid. I don't know that the realization is God's way of taking me deeper. It is a way to walk this journey and yet I am still afraid. I will obey. I will walk. I will cry. See you on the other side.